I’ll have a water please.
So, You're newly sober, living the life of recovery, feeling great and then; someone has the audacity to invite you to dinner at an establishment that serves alcohol! Or you go to a party and some absolute weirdo has the gall to offer you a drink! I'm laying the sarcasm on pretty thick here, because these things are highly likely to happen. WE got sober, the world didn't. So, now we have to learn to deal with the world and the people in it, all while maintaining our sobriety and not hiding from it.
One of the most important skills you'll learn in sobriety is how to set boundaries. Whether it's declining a drink at a party or distancing yourself from toxic people in your life, setting healthy boundaries is crucial for maintaining your sobriety and protecting your mental and emotional well-being.
But let's be real: saying no can be tough. Especially when you're used to people-pleasing, you're worried about coming across as rude or unfriendly or you just don't want to get into details with someone.
First things first: Know your limits. Before you go into any situation where you might be offered drugs or alcohol (or pressured to engage in any other behavior that goes against your values), it's important to have a plan in place. Think about what your triggers are, what situations you want to avoid, and what you'll say if someone offers you a drink or suggests doing something you're not comfortable with. Additionally, have an exit strategy. Who's driving? If not you, then what's your plan if you have to leave? Having a plan in place can help you feel more prepared and less anxious about saying no.
When it comes to actually saying no to a drink being offered by some one; there are a few different approaches you can take.
First, is the direct approach: simply saying "no thanks" or "I don't drink/use anymore" when someone offers you a drink or drugs. This approach is simple and straightforward. It will also show you quickly who is supportive and who isn't.
Another option, if you're worried about follow up questions surrounding the first approach, is to use humor. For example, if someone offers you a drink, you could say something like "No thanks, alcohol slows down my reflexes." (then just squint your eyes and pan the room) or "I appreciate it, but if I drink that, then I'm going to want to go find heroin.. with your car..and your money". Using humor can help defuse the situation and make it clear that you're not judging or criticizing the other person for their choices and also that you aren't taking yourself too seriously.
Of course, there will be times when saying no isn't enough and humor wont work. Maybe someone is pressuring you to drink or use drugs, or they're violating your personal boundaries in some other way. In these situations, it's important to be assertive and set clear boundaries. If your brain is telling you "I'm not comfortable with this situation/conversation/behavior" then get out of there. Fall back on your exit plan. Remember: setting boundaries isn't selfish or rude. It's an act of self-care and self-respect.
Saying no and setting boundaries is a crucial part of sobriety, but it doesn't have to be scary or stressful. By knowing your limits, having a plan in place, and using humor and assertiveness, you can navigate challenging situations with confidence and grace. Just remember, the most important thing is that you're comfortable with your decision to be sober and you don't owe anyone an explanation for it.
Keep on living your best sober life.
